This is a journey. A journey about a man who realises he is not the person he thinks. It’s about an illusion, a facade that he constructed to hide shame, guilt and fear. To avoid confrontation with the outside world, but most importantly himself. This is a journey about a man who discovers that he is not a man. That he is a not-man. This is about a he who is not a he, but a they, or maybe a she. This is about my journey to smash apart the delusion I have orchestrated. To rip off the bandage and stare into the void. Welcome to Kizzy’s Queer Corner.
Journalists see people as stories. Whether they are a witness to a god-awful shooting, a musician who just stepped off Glastonbury stage, or a man who proposed to Noel Fielding. It’s a journalist’s job to not only find a story, but a newsworthy one; one that will shock, challenge and entertain. This list fits neatly with the themes of my column, to challenge the norm view of gender, and share experiences of being genderqueer.
Each stage of our life can be described using a few simple words: the carefree child, the angsty emo, the stressed mind, etc. My life right now can be classed as ‘dysphoria overload’, an overwhelming force of agony disrupting work, relationships and mental wellbeing. Long story short, I’ve had enough; enough of the self-loathing, enough of the envy, enough of the self-pity. This column is my therapy, a place to ramble about the ongoings in my manic mind, and the breaking of societal pressures.
Like a movie, life must have a beginning and an end, despite how unsatisfactory it might be. We are all in search of something and unwilling to end our movie before it is achieved. It could be to acquire forbidden knowledge, own an intergalactic spaceship, take the ring to mordor, inspire a generation, eliminate rebel scum, the infinite list goes on. My goal is to gain acceptance with my state of being, and enough confidence to present my true self without guilt or fear. Yet, this doesn’t represent an end to my movie, but a mere beginning
If there is one sentiment that I can convey in these rambles of a trans perspective, it’s that being genderqueer requires a lot of courage. It takes more balls to be a “guy” in a dress than partaking in “manly” activities such as the kicking of a football. It’s with this courage that I’ll eventually be able to accept myself and break away from my social compulsion.
Join a journalist’s journey to re-evaluate their past, discuss their current experiences and come to terms with their true self. This is Kizzy’s Queer Corner – a dialogue between a genderqueer and their conflict with society.